I have to admit I was not in the mood for merriment this year. While I am blessed to have my health and my family as well as employment the Christmas spirit seems to be really hard to connect to. The holidays bring with it memories and expectations. We remember our traditions and create the expectations to recreate them, relive them and when things don’t pan out…we feel like it is the words thing ever.
This holiday I’ve been cooped up in the crib, my teenagers didn’t make this year particularly pleasant and I basically canceled Christmas. As I began preparing myself for the coming week my youngest daughter Keagan invited me to watch a movie with her. I’ve not only been a bit aloof from my parenting but I’ve been down right hiding from it.
I’m glad I watched. We giggled and cracked jokes about the little soul and had some light hearted conversations about being alive. I was reminded that I haven’t been “living”, I was reminded that I have not been present and I was reminded that I have not only been hiding from the quaranteens but I’m hiding because I feel so frazzled and unfamiliar with life that all I can muster up is the energy and confidence to follow my heavy work agenda.
My holiday heart was cold. The film warmed me from the inside and I’m happy I accepted the invitation.